For the first 40 years of my life I felt like I couldn’t speak my truth.
I was filled with shame.
Every pore of my essence was filled with a shame that didn’t belong to me.
I stayed quiet. I stayed small. I sat inside my fear in silence.
Terrified that if I spoke my truth…. terrified if I shared my story…… I would be disowned and abandoned…..
And so I sat, inside the walls of silence….afraid to be seen…..afraid to be heard…..until the pain became to unbearable and healing became my choice.
That is when the deepest parts of my journey began.
This blog is devoted to the journey I took from feeling completely shattered to finally feeling whole. It is an opportunity for me to share my story, with the hope that you may feel less alone on your path too.
Looking back, I was doing my best to hold everything together. I had already spent a lifetime working hard on my self. I thought I was healed. I contributed the moments of feeling crazy, overly forgetful, or randomly bursting into tears just a side effect of being overwhelmed with being a busy mom of a full household. However, as my daughter shifted from adolescence to age 12, I was instantly triggered to that time in my life. And how different our experiences were. I was brought back to the childhood I didn’t get to have and to the men and boys that stole that innocence away from me.
It was through being a mother to my daughter that I was given the chance to take ownership of and also mourn what was missing from my teenage years.
And so I completely surrendered. And from that choice, I was transformed. It is from my healed place that I am able to speak my truth and break down these walls for the rest of us.
Healing doesn’t happen all at once. It happens in stages, piece by piece.
You don’t have to have it all figured out. You just have to be open to the process and allow the healing to begin. What you need will show up for you. You only need to be brave enough to take the next small step. The incredible part is that even among the tremendous pain, miracles will appear.
No one is too broken to heal.
You are not too broken to heal.